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My feelings about having only sons

I was reflecting this morning on what it is like to be a mother with only sons no daughters. At the moment my boys are young so the differences between having a boy or girl is really only obvious when doing their hair (more to the point not having do their hair) and changing nappies. Both my youngest boys are into different types of playing, one of them really loves his dolls house and role playing, he is very cautious and hesitates to do anything to dangerous or away from me, so I feel I do have a daughter in some ways, although, like most other boys, he would much rather be kicking a ball and won’t sit still. My other little one is a boy boy in the generalised term, gets into everything, bumps, bruises, eats dirt and rough and tumble.

I was one of two girls so never got to witness the relationship a mother has with her young son. What I have come to realise though is that my relationship with my boys is very similar to that of what my mum had with my sister and I when we were little.

I thought that perhaps being boys they wouldn’t be into cuddles, tickles, kisses but have been proved wrong. I also didn’t think they would be interested in the mumma but again proved wrong. In fact I was surprised how clingy boys can be to their mum. It isn’t until my eldest boy (stepson 8.5yrs old) turned about 5 that he actually showed interest in his dad, before that it was all about me.

I think the point in time when I will be sad about not having daughters is when my boys are grown up as this seems to be the point when you can see a difference between the relationship mother and daughters have to that of a mother and sons. Although I imagine I will still be close to my boys and they will enjoy coming over for a roast, they will not be inclined to want to go to the movies, shopping or even on a relaxing holiday with me so this is where I think I will feel the loss of only having sons.

I think the ideal family make up would be 2 boys and 2 girls then the parents get both sons and daughters and the siblings get sisters and brothers. But four children Wow that’s to busy to comprehend for me and the chances of me getting another 2 boys is why to high to risk.

So I will enjoy my beautiful boys and hope that one day they bring home some lovely daughter in laws !!

A great book to read: Raising Brothers by Steve Biddulph

Technorati Tags: about brothers, bringing up boys, mother and sons, Motherhood, relationship with sons

Tags: about brothers, bringing up boys, mother and sons, Motherhood, relationship with sons
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by Sonya

Best age gap between children

8:04 pm in Motherhood by Sonya

When you are planning on having more than one child, one of the biggest questions you will ask yourself is;

What is the best age gap to have between my children?

We were lucky as we didn't have trouble conceiving so could pretty much plan the age gap between our children. The follow is my experience of a small and a large age gap between children. I am not an expert, just a mother speaking from my own experience. I have 3 boys, 8.5 yrs old, 2.5yrs old and a 1 year old.

Small Age Gap between children (21months)

My youngest children are 21 months apart. They are currently 2yrs 9 months and 1 yrs old.

Our reasons behind this age gap are;

Biological clock ticking, we didn't want to be too old with babies

· I liked the idea of having two close in age so that they maybe into the same things

· I didn't really enjoy the newborn stage of my first child so thought it might be good to go through it again quickly (getting it over and done with - sounds horrible but it was how I felt, evidently I enjoyed the newborn stage the next time around)

· I was still getting up at nights so thought while I was used to that may as well add another one.

· If I put it off any further I probably wouldn't of had another one.

Positives

They get enjoyment out of the same games/toys

· I am over the newborn stage already which means no more sleepless nights

· They seem to enjoy each other's company - sometimes

· They will be close to each other at school (1 year apart)

· Currently can attend the same day care - not having to take them two separate places.

Negatives

· The cost of two in nappies and one on formula all at once is high

· Can be tiring as you have two to dress, nappy change, put in and out of car seats and feed.

· Neither of them understands the concept of sharing toys so you tend to be an umpire a lot of the time.

· Sometimes I am up during the night for 2 different children - losing dummies, bottle, cold etc..

Large Age Gap between children (6 year gap)

My eldest son is 8.5, he is my stepson who stays with us on weekends which I know makes the relationship between his brothers different to that if he was with us all the time. However I can still observe positives and negatives with this age gap. I will compare his relationship with the next in line who is 6 years younger

Positives:

· The little one is ALWAYS entertained - he admires his bigger brother and follows him around like a bad smell. (this may be different if he was with us all the time)

· The eldest helps out with the little one, getting him organised, playing with him, helping him in and out of the car etc.

· The eldest can entertain himself which gives me time to attend to the little one.

· Easier/cheaper with only one in nappies.

· The eldest can feed/dress/organise himself which leaves me time to help with the little one

· The eldest goes to school which leaves me quality time to spend with the little one.

· There is only one child waking up during the night.

Negatives

· The eldest misses out on activities some times as I'm busy running around with the little ones (if I only had one little one this wouldn't be so notable)

· Although they play together it is mainly because the eldest is a very placid boy who doesn't mind having the little one hanging off him - I can see if he was with us all the time this would become bothersome for him

· They are not into the same activities. Ie. The eldest likes his play station the little ones like their matchbox cars - although they do try and play each others games there is usually one that is bored/missing out

· Planning outings that please all can be tricky.

In summary I think that whatever age gap you decide to have you will make it work for the positive. You will find ways of entertaining all the age groups and ways of juggling the chores/play time. The concerns of jealousy and siblings fighting I believe comes down to the personality of the children and the way in which you manage your household not the age gap between them. Just because children are close in age does not mean they will always want to play together and like each other all the time and just because the gap is large doesn't mean the eldest is always going to want to play/help look after the younger ones.

It's a matter of organising time so that each child gets quality attention from the parents. Personally I find organising this time is not really affected by the age gap but more by how many children you have, the more kids the harder it is to find that time.

Personally I love having the close age gap, although it can be physically more draining I find it mentally easier as they are basically at the same stage in their life and it's easier to manage. Whatever age gap you choose (if you have that luxury) it will be the right one for your family.

Sue